Janice

It was may of 2014 when I had violent pains up the right side of my abdomin. I went to my Gp who referred me to the mercy. They discovered that I had a large abnormal cyst that was after rupturing on my right ovary. They sent me straight to CUMH to have it removed. My operation went very well they removed the cyst and sent it to be tested.
I had a follow up appointment in June.

On that day my whole life was turned upside down by the word cancer. The world I knew stopped around me I had ovarian cancer. The next few weeks was horrific. I was sent for countless tests and scans to determine what the next step was. I underwent my second operation to have my right ovary removed and biopsies of the surrounding areas. I was brought back for a follow up appointment to get my results. Thankfully my cancer didn’t spread. I then had to undergo intense chemotherapy treatment from september to the following january. A few weeks after my first treatment my hair fell out. I was completely heartbroken and traumatised. That’s when it got real. I spent the next few months surrounded by friends and family that loved me but i never felt so alone in my life. Nobody got it, nobody understood. I felt like I was trapped inside my own head surrounded by negative thoughts. I didn’t really feel like i could talk to my friends or family they didn’t get it. So I kept my feelings to myself. When i was alone i would cry hysterically for hours. Life seemed so different. I felt like I lost myself , that I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I finished my last chemotherapy session in January although it was a relief the next few months of my life was filled with depression and anxiety. I felt like I was going further and further into a black hole and i couldn’t find my way out. Nobody got it. I felt more alone then ever. I even suffered a panic attack while I was home alone crying hysterically. It got to the stage where I didn’t want to go out and I started to feel uncomfortable around my friends. Then dates of when certain things happened the year before started to pop up. I would sit at home by myself and relive each moment in my head it was extremely upsetting. I came across Ann from the girls club on facebook. I was so upset the same day I just had enough. I mailed Ann , she rang me a few minutes later. We chatted and she got it , she knew how I felt. I instantly felt better. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulder I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I started to look online for support groups for my age group. Nothing came up. It was really disappointing. I never sat down with anyone my age with cancer. I honestly think a support group for our age group is really needed. Cancer is a very lonely disease we need to make a place where everyone understands you and can provide the support every cancer patient needs. The journey doesn’t end when treatment does. We as cancer survivors have to rebuild ourselves , our lives with a constant fear of cancer returning. We can do it with help and support of one another